Pounds lost, but can the scale be deceiving me?

I don't know if it's right.

But let me re-tell my story, as I see a lot more followers. (Hello~)

So a year ago or more, I got my scale taken away. I had absolutely no idea where my mom hid it, but probably seeing as I've gained weight, she brought it out again. Or at least I hope she's not thinking too much about my weight again. I hope she only brought it out for the rest of the family. 

But the last time I weighed myself was at the doctors. That was, what, in the summer? Long ago. I was 107.

But guess what? I weighed myself just now (everyone else went grocery shopping so I'm home alone) and....*drumroll please*

101!!

It makes me happy to know I've lost some. But I don't know if the scale is right anymore. It's kind of...old. And I don't feel like I've lost weight. I don't even see a bit of weight loss. In fact, before I had the courage to step on it, I was thinking I'd be 200 lbs. I'm still fat. I mean, it's obvious that my fat is still clinging onto me, unwilling to let go. But oh, how I truly despise it right at this moment. I'll work extra hard to get it off in time for the performance in January. You see, I have this dance thing. And I'll probably have to wear formal attire, which means everyone will then see how DISGUSTING I am.  Truly am, under all the baggy clothes I wear. Now don't get it wrong. I want to wear pretty dresses but at same time, I don't. I'm in a raging war with the enemy here, also known as lipid. Fat. Whatever you want to call it. Time is ticking and I only have a month and a half to get to my ultimate goal weight. To shed this fat off once and for all. I'm tired of looking at all the pretty, thing girls and feeling worthless. Ugly. Fat. Stupid. I want to outshine them just once. Or actually, shine with them at least. 

Besides, I'll probably scare the guys off. No one will want to dance with me then.

Main point of this post is - I'm officially going vegetarian tomorrow. I have been eating some meat, and quite a lot of seafood.

I'm going to be extremely strict with myself. No more rewards until the goal is met. No more partying until I prove myself worthy. No more procrastination and slacking.

I truly live in a cycle

When I'm happy I eat
When I'm upset I eat
Everything seems to be revolving around food.

So when I do not binge, I don't post, and when I do fail, I come here to rant about it. You can probably guess what's been going on lately. I have been restricting like crazy for days, but then today I just...something went and clicked the switch in my head. And I binged like someone who's crazy and doesn't have even 1% of self control.

My grades have been going down.
My friends seem bitchier.

I'm so disgusting, so ugly. I really wish there was someone to guide me through the tunnels, because I can't do much alone. I never have been Able to do much alone. Even if I want to, I'm too pathetic.
Too weak.


Won't someone come save me?